ZILA NYER!

ah, i’m taking off from school for a week. Last weekend came down to phoenix, g salt river tubing, 1st time after sooo many years dpt gak mandi kat river/lake.. bbq ayam 1st, then terjun mandi with adek n hubby.. menyegarkan.. yeaayy.. next week dtg lagi bawa tube/pelampung lak so leh mandi ganas2 skit.. hehe, i’m afraid of water kalu x.
then, mlm tuh g tgk citer harry potter ngan 1408. So-so, both are not good as I expected, or maybe we all were so tired…
Sunday, not that much other than shopping.. hehe. then later at night, hubby blk ke tucson die kene keje, so I stay here with adek. So far, da g a lot of shopping, siap masuk LV nye shop. ayaya.. so cute but soo freaking expensive.. but maybe one day, laterrr.. kene save $700++ la dulu.. huhu, I need a job plss..pas tuh da tgk movie fantastic 4 and Evan almighty(i don’t want to watch this one, but well I get free ticket why not). ape lagi kitorg wat ye, nak g gym n swimming da list berpuluh2 kali, so far gym pun x nmpk, blk2 da letih gilerr..
then today I’m going to body massage jap lagi,.. eh da nak siap2, my appoinment is in an hr.. sambung later..

huh, it’s my b-day again today! I sometimes forgot how old am I? pass 21, I don’t even care when is my b-day, and when people ask how old am I, first question I have to ask back is, what year is it now? "2007", the I’ll answer 2007-1981 is what? oh, 26.. then, I’m 26 years old..
At age 26, I wish I have achieved more in my life, but, I don’t think I’m a big achiever, or I’ll not say myself as a successful at this age. So, what is success anyway? humm. everyone has their own definition for that. And for me, I’m not even sure what I want? I have a career, I have a degree (and seriously cannot wait for my 2nd degree this Dec-although i don’t want to go to the ceremony, (there is nothing for me to celebrate), but i can’t wait to own the black gown with a hat and orange tassle written 2007), I have a loving husband, but still inside me I feel I’m missing sth. Sometimes I wonder when I met people that happy n satisfy with their lives, but me, I never appreciate what I have/had. I guess I just need to learn to be happy with what I have. I think maybe I miss my family/relatives/friends in Malaysia. I miss for being free and relax. I miss feeling good about myself (coz here I met great people, so i don’t feel good about myself). I guess because i hanging out with people with higher achievement, that sometimes I feel so timid and clueless. I got to stop hanging out with those with PhD, that make me count my time and my hope to achieve what they have achieve.
gees, i never knew that b-day can make me this stressful!

Finally on Friday, I finish all the grading needed to be done, and even already assign the grade to students. pheww.. Anyway, Dr Sobel took me for lunch at 4th Ave, I forgot the restaurant name, but it was kind of mexican/italian/european food. I ordered the same thing as Dr Sobel, Chicken enchiladas with raspberry tea.. Yummyy.. he treat me to say thanks for all my hard work ;), and offer a really good recommendation letter if I need one for my next univ application. But so far, I haven’t got chance to go to testing center to ask them to resend my GRE result to intended univ, plus I really haven’t made my mind about whichsoever univ I’m going after this. I know I should start to apply really soon if I wanted to be admitted for next year admission, and to apply for financial aid , and other fellowship that offered by the dept. (I really need them!). But at the same time, to apply for this need $$$.
I went home after work and asked my hubby if he want to go to phx. But since we both quite tired, we decided to leave a bit later at 9pm. I went home, took a nap. we both do not have enough sleep for couple of days, tatau wat ape, but my hubby like to work out at night around 11 pm, then took shower, so akhirsnye tido la dlm 1-2 am. Pg2 da kene bgn. Then I woke up around 8.30 pm, masa tuh la baru sedar baju tade, so did my laundry (oh god, i love dryer, x bole ke bawa my dryer blk mesia?). then, akhirnye around 9.30 pm baru la siap laundry, n dinner. Then, around 9.45 baru p keta bawa la sekali my babies, twinkie n yoshie. pas isi minyak n cek tire pressure, around 10.30pm br la officially bergerak. Twinkie is very calm in the car, but Yoshie was afraid at first when finally both of them fall asleep on my laps. See, I’ve to seat belakang with my kittens! sampai sana around 12.15 pm sbb keta x byk. G phx utk lawat my friend, adek, da lama da janji nk dtg tp bz je. mlm tuh again tido lmabat sembang2 sampai kul 3 pg, esok tu bgn la lmbt, I woke up a bit early to feed my kitten. the funny things is my cats sleep with adek! they don’t care as long as they can sleep on the bed. esok tuh, g mkn kedai pak arab, then g ikea (ikea is on big sale b4 tukar catalog), but I don’t buy much other than candle, napkins, mugs, and cat bowl. (I always have to buy sth for my babies!). pastu gi LeeLee kedai oriental and I bought cili sos maggi malaysia!yeay! then we head to wayang. crazy adek, die ajar beli tiket for kids, so it cost $6.50, we went to watch Transformer, pas abis transformer seludup masuk tgk citer Ratatoulie lak. 2 movies, blk umah da kul 11 mlm, singgah safeway to buy cat food, da abis lak food that I brought yesterda, kuat lak bdk ber2 ni mkn. sampai umah sambung tgk movie lg, tgk citer blood diamonds. such a sad movie.. huhu.. nak stop beli diamond la, we buy diamond bkn tlg african tp tlg org take advantage of negara afrika.. huhu..
then, tido.. esok bgn pg mkn mihun adek masak. kuar g costco nk cari pinggan noritake, tp die x de yg adek nak, (she want the one like mine, sebok jee). So, maybe I have to check kat costco tucson if they still ade stok lama.. then, adek belanja mkn kat oregano’s sempena my b-day on tuesday.. yummyy!! thanks adekkk.. blk tuh kene singgah safeway lg, beli mknn kucing, ade ke patut, byk tull diorg mkn nii!! so, blk smbg tgk movie babel lak, but I didn’t watch, x paham sgt citer die.. then, blk la tolak kul 10.30 mlm lg. kali ni tibe awal skit sbb x stop by sgt, ari tuh dtg ade stop sekali nk letak twinkie n yoshie takut die nak peepee,or poopoo.. ni diorg da ok je naik keta.. die duduk kat my hubby lap, n yoshie berbual2 ngan my hubby. such a cute kitten.. and twinkie dok panjat kat head seat, tgk luar..
now is 4 pm monday, my hubby should be home in few min, I’m off from school and work today.. yoshie n twinkie tgh tido sebelah laptop ni.. I love my furry friends. If I bgn ni, jap lg 2-2 ni bgn gak follow me from room to room. should I wake them up? terpaksa la, nak reheat kan mknn dr oregano’s so i n my hubby can eat jap lagi..
anyway, Adek I see you next weekend, kite g sholow lak, wat picnic n bbq.. pastuh jom tgk citer harry potter ok! esok is my b-day, i no longer want diamond, haha, I need harry potter story book yg br release ni.. tuh je yg I nak, isteri yg baikkkan??

http://ed.sjtu.edu.cn/rank/2004/top500(1-100).htm

I was searching for univ to further my study next year. I came across this website, and found out that my current univ is top 76 univ in the world.. woohoo..but keep reading until list number 500, tade pun univ from malaysia? why is that? what is lack in univ di malaysia? Is it research, fund, or I guess mostly it weight on nobel prize won from the faculty, alumni, etc.. and now I wonder, when I read journal, I mean engr journal, I;m not sure about other bidang, I rarely came across paper written from lecturer in malaysia, other than lecturer asing yg kerja di malaysia, or org malaysia yg kerja di unversity asing. what’s wrong with that? I think, from my personal opinion, x la susah nak kuarkan paper in journal, esp for lecturer yg working on research. Or does it because kite tatau camne nak publishkan paper? I mean, we do need extra work for that, but I met a lot of students here in US yg da publishkan paper during their master/doctorate study. So, why not our lecturers? humm..
oh, talking about other people, mestih org pikir cam I da publish my own paper je.. hehe.. well, my short thesis work mmg da my supervisor suruh publish paper next year, but I choose not to stay here for next year. He thinks my idea is genuine, but I think I can expand my idea better, so maybe wait for more? So, kalu nk kene either siapkan betul2, but I think I’m not ready for it, I think my quality of work lom capai  tahap that I expected too. So, maybe  soon in few years. Humm.. I guess ni bende yg sama cam org di malaysia kot, we’re soo afraid and timid. x confident, I really hope really soon I can work on my confident, and one day can change  this attitude of  our fellows Malaysians. Seriously, we Malaysian all are so smart, but one thing we lack of are: open mind, and be risk taker.
ops, anyway my story is about my future Univ that I’m planning to go. Again, my confident is really low, so I decided to go to smaller town, smaller univ name that rank around 110. I think where we learn does not matter, but how we learn does matter. Maybe with smaller univ, I can get the attention I need, rather than feeling depress to compete for attention. Plus, i want to go to live at cheaper place, and colder place. And as always, US going to be my destination.

(Things I hate but love about US is: lack of holiday, lots of pressure and freaking competition, so hopefully I can change myself who loves holidayy too much!)